School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 6

Hi, Parents!

As you know, we were rained out last week for the teen group. It was great that so many of you could come to this one. Your kids appeared to look forward to enjoy this particular community activity. They were excited to be at laser tag. Only a couple of them were a little bit affected by the noises and sounds and darkness, but they were able to recover. One child, CM, at first wanted to read a magazine and sit out after participating one time. However, she was persuaded to just walk around. Once she began walking around, she said she was glad she had done so, but it did take a considerable amount of persuasion to get her not to sit out the second time. Otherwise, the kids were good-natured. They were as well-behaved, I think, as any other group that you would see at laser tag.

Dinner went similarly smoothly. We walked down the street to Hamburger Hamlet. The kids appeared to enjoy themselves, although they were a little bit disappointed that they couldn't order the $23 rib special. I explained to them that they could do that another time at Tony Roma's or when we barbeque.

In all, it was a nice time, and no particular problems were noted. It went smoothly, and so thank you. I look forward to seeing you and your kids next time for our regular group meeting. We are now back on the first and third week of the month as usual. Take care. -- Bruce

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Tele-Meeting

Last week’s parent meeting and last night’s tele-meeting pretty much covered the same territory. I reviewed the website, including how parents can log on for LUNCH Points, view tutorials that provide an overview of the website (under video tutorials) and also view a new tutorial that details how the LUNCH Points program works. We had a total of five families at the tele-meeting, and the parent groups were nearly full for both the child and the teen groups.

Other topics discussed included how to support your child outside of group. I focused on a few techniques. 1. Social praise. You may think that what we do in the group is use raffles and do other cool things… No; what we do is we praise your kids. We praise them meaningfully; we praise them frequently. For example, when they come in with a certificate showing they have done something exceptional, the entire group rallies. And when that happens, that is a level of peer reinforcement that is very hard to mimic with a tangible item. As their parents, you can also deliver genuine, meaningful social praise. This doesn’t mean simply saying, “Good job.” It means that you specifically state what they did, and you say words like, “I’m really proud of you.” Who doesn’t want to seek parental approval? Now certainly there have been books written for eons that suggest that you can go overboard on this. But a certain amount of parental approval helps motivate and drive us and keep us on track. So, enjoy your power; use it; but use it for good, and increase your level of social praise.

2. The idea of prompting your child a second time to help him or her be successful, rather than raising your voice or suggesting a negative consequence will occur if he does not comply. Ultimately, skill building is going to produce more generalized independent behaviors, and we talked about this. 3. Behavioral momentum. You can think of behavioral momentum as a way to get your child started and keep him going. This technique works for children who are shy and resistive as well as those who are oppositional, or just for individuals who are unmotivated. You start off with a small, easy request, then gradually build from there; hence the momentum. You can read up on this, and I will attach links to a couple sites for you to peruse as well. 4. Giving your child a choice before making a request. So, asking your child if he is ready to clean his room, and having your child respond, “No,” in a loud voice might fall under what calls a “B or a C basket item.” If you’ve given you child a choice, and he says no, you can actually thank him, then just leave the room. Your child will probably be amazed and puzzled, wondering what has just happened and who replaced his parent with an alien. But, he will also get the message that you are not there to fight with him. Once he gets this message, you can continue to use choices. Now, certainly he may miss out on something enjoyable happening because he has chosen not to clean his room yet, and that becomes a natural consequence. But it doesn’t have to be delivered with a raised voice, or as a threat. It simply is what happens. And he is, of course, welcome to participate in “x,” when he has cleaned his room or completed “y.” So, a bit of detail on that.

5. On the parent LUNCH Points form, notice that you can do a “parent review.” The fact that your child gets points for it is certainly one part of it, but it is also meaningful feedback for you. Are you raising your voice? Are you threatening? Are you repeating commands? These are things that are counter-productive. And do remember that, whenever you try a strategy, figure that you have to do it one hundred times. So one hundred times of praising your child at three times per day means that, in approximately less than a month, you are going to be able to see considerable behavior change.

So these are some of the main strategies we talked about, and we will talk about more in a future meeting. I look forward to seeing everyone at the parent dinner coming up in early February, and of course your kids have laser tag coming up next week as well.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 5

Dear Parents:

Tonight we had a very full evening. All of the kids turned out. The first part of the group went very smoothly. We had reconfigured the office to better accommodate the parent group and also have the kids eating comfortably. What was interesting was that, immediately upon entering, they circled around the tables, and, within just a minute or two, were talking like “old friends.” As we transitioned into the larger room, we discussed the LUNCH Points program. (Some of the kids tried to negotiate being able to get credit, even though they hadn’t brought in their certificates or parts were missing.) The group members were able to remind one another that the rules include it being the group members’ responsibility to bring in their certificates; not the parents’ responsibility. Focusing on this in a consistent and low key manner over time has shown that the group members do become better at remembering to bring them in. One thing that I try to strive for is to have members remember to do things spontaneously, without being prompted. When we see this kind of behavior, generally that is what will produce the most lasting results.

We did one project, which involved having four different group members choose avatars and talk about what their implications were. This gave the group an opportunity to work on everything from being able to tell a story in an interesting and straightforward manner to having other group members practice being part of the audience without being disruptive. As with other types of behaviors, we made extensive use of positive practice strategies to help them be more successful.

Going to Gelson’s was fairly effortless. The group remained cohesive and required very little prompting to follow rules and remain respectful in the market. The group members were also helpful in picking up bags and carrying them back.

The parents came in at 6:00, a few minutes after the group members had begun to have their meal, and just before the raffles began. The parent meeting itself went very smoothly. Practically all the families (a total of twelve) attended. We reviewed the LUNCH Points program and the website in general. We then discussed different children’s behaviors and different kinds of strategies for helping kids with attentional deficits, kids who either lie or misrepresent information, as well as kids who are unmotivated. There will be a makeup tele-meeting this Thursday at 7:30 for families who could not make it.

There were some problems that occurred in the group, as reported by counselors afterward. Some of the alumni members were making comments that bordered on sexual innuendo during the raffle program. Also, one group member put gift cards belonging to the other group members in his pocket, and, when the group members said theirs were missing, he took them out. This was a confusing type of behavior because it was so obvious that the cards would be discovered. The group member stated that the cards were something that he had found and was planning to return. These kinds of illogical behaviors do happen among teens, and it is better that the lesson be learned in the group program than to have this occur out in the community. It just reminds me that, as much progress as some of the group members make, many of them remain vulnerable to experiencing urges and challenges that they are not able to think through very well or control. This is something that we will address at a future date.

Some of the group members had considerable difficulty managing their feelings when they did not win the second of the two raffles. (As a reminder, the blue ticket raffle is the one where everyone wins, and the hero ticket raffle is the one where half of the kids win. This is done to ensure that: (1) everyone does win a prize / acknowledgement for the tickets they have earned, but also: (2) there is an analog situation to some of the disappointments that are normally experienced in life, and to try to help them develop good sportsmanship related to them.

In all, it was a hectic but useful meeting, with twelve parents and fifteen group members all coming in within the space of 2 1/2 hours. However, in general, everyone seemed to have a good time.

Thank you so much, parents, for being so diligent and supportive and inquisitive, which helps move the process forward. See you for laser tag in two weeks.