School Year Teen 09-10 - Session 13

Parents,

Tonight was a very smooth night for the teens. A little bit sad in that we talked about there being two sessions left, but we planned out the next two sessions out as a group and I think they’re going to have a nice time. Next meeting, we’re going to be having miniature golf, arcade and then walk for about fifteen minutes and go to the Galleria for dinner so you’ll be dropping them off at one place and you’ll be picking them up at another place. Stay tuned because we’ll send you a flyer on that next week. Then for our final meeting they decided and it was EF who suggested it that we go to the park. She said that hadn’t happened and she really wanted to do that. The group agreed with her and so we’ll going to go to the park and then go to California Pizza Kitchen and we will meet back at Gelson’s as per usual to say goodbye to everyone. So there we have it, what’s going to happen later this month and in early June. Don’t forget that there will be a parent dinner on June 1, Tuesday. Please call in and make your reservations for this.
So tonight, it was really about socializing and tolerance. We did a barbecue and so they shopped for their barbecue. Rather than doing steaks, hotdogs and other things, we just got hot dogs for everyone and that worked more smoothly. They socialized, they appeared to enjoy socializing, and we had three kinds of raffles. There was the blue ticket raffle, there was the hero ticket raffle where eight kids had a chance to win, and there was the LUNCH points raffle and two prizes were handed out for that. There was a parent’s meeting as well and what was impressive was how quietly and respectively the kids came in when they either needed water or to use the restroom.

The parent meeting in itself was nice in that there weren’t a lot of questions about generalization, but there were questions more about “What do I do with my child when they’re no longer coming to this group?” and this is very relevant and sometimes hard to answer, but parents talked about community services through organizations like J Nolan and about some of the things that their kids are doing where they’re getting out into the community more. One father (KV’s) talked about how his son is calling other kids and that was impressive. All in all, they were well-behaved, they helped set up chairs, they helped clean up, and it was a well rounded evening. One final thing we talked about was what to do with kids who are more isolated and this is hard because it seems to be a blend of how much they feel attachment to others and how much anxiety they experience and how competent they feel in having conversations. This is something that requires continued focus on the part of parents and my take is to have your kids immerse in different social situations so it gradually can become more comfortable. But that’s about it for tonight parents. I will look forward to seeing your kids in two weeks as we continue the winding down process. Thanks.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Dinner

Hi, Parents:


Tonight was the parent dinner for both groups, and it was reasonably well-attended. We had four parents from the kids’ group and five parents from the teenage group. During the evening, I showed videos of both the kids’ group and the teenage group as to what has been happening throughout the year, and also shared a project that I have been working on with the kids that involves “the best thing that happened to me in the past year was …” We talked about language and how we work in the group with kids on the effectiveness of their verbal communications, and being able to use language as a socialization mechanism.

Additionally, we talked about the role of executive functioning. Parents heard how many of their kids kind of got the instructions wrong, and sometimes had difficulty making their point clearly and succinctly. I reviewed how I work with the kids to have their conversations with a proper amount of detail, rather than excessive degrees that act like a prepositional phrase that goes on and on. Parents remained interested. Their were quite a few questions in general about overall diagnoses, and we talked about those in terms of the functional behaviors that they represent.

Parents asked about the summer group program, and we will be doing our end-of-group surveys in April, with a follow up to occur in June. Overall, as the parent meetings go, it went smoothly. Perhaps the only exception was that, in the buzz of conversation, we sort of forgot to order dinner, and the server didn’t take our orders until 6:45 p.m. The meeting broke up a little bit after 7:30, and parents could still be seen engaged in conversation fifteen minutes later in the parking lot.

We have group later this month, and then our last parent meeting, in the office, come this May.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 9

Hi, Parents:


Tonight went smoothly, and your kids really seemed to enjoy themselves. We started off by talking a little bit about what the evening would entail, and several of them responded with areas and questions that they were interested in having me bring up during the parent meeting. We also talked in general about what was happening in group, and the tone, interestingly, was different than in the kid group, as might be expected. Very few of the teens were actually looking at magazines; they were joking with one another; they were conversing; it was a really nice introduction to the group tonight. One of the teens (EF) was unhappy that we were going to be doing any kind of technology project, but when we reviewed when we had last done one, she acknowledged that it had been a while. The technology project, which occurred when they transitioned into the larger room, consisted of having them talk about something really great that had happened to them during the past year. We did a few retakes to help them with this, and I really thought of this as a blend of an executive function and pragmatic communication type of exercise.

Your kids had no problem talking to the camera, but some of them had difficulty initiating; some had difficulty staying focused during the suggested fifteen minute timeline, and some of them had trouble concluding and ending. These are all worth working on, and I will be writing these down to try and make their representations look as natural and effective as possible.

Shortly after we transitioned to Gelson’s, where they chose different things they wanted to eat, and had the meal outside family style, the parent meeting started at 6:00. Congratulations to MS’s parent, who was the only one there waiting. However, by 6:20, we actually had a very good turnout. Parents then asked many useful questions, and we talked about some of the different kinds of behaviors involving compulsions, effective socializing, the effects of a positive school environment on their children’s behaviors, and simply how they stay connected to peers.

Parents watched the movie that the kids had produced earlier in the evening, and we talked about the significance of it.

The evening ended with a raffle for your kids, and all of them had an opportunity to win something. With very few exceptions, counselors reported that this went smoothly.

All in all, a good evening. We will be looking forward to the parent dinner the second week in April, followed by the parent meeting in two months, then another parent dinner in June. There also will be two more community outings: one will likely be an extended trip to the nearby park, and one will be at a location yet to be determined, but likely something bowling or miniature golf.

Thanks very much, and email me if you have any questions.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Dinner

Hi Parents:

Tonight’s meeting was very enjoyable. We had a total of twelve parents out of the thirty-two families who were invited. So, not the best showing, but the parents who came were interested in having discussions, plus we were able to take advantage of the “early bird special.”

One of the things that was really nice was that the parents had an opportunity to talk with one another. Two parents who met at the meeting are probably going to arrange a play date for their children who are in the Kid Group program. Additionally, nearly all the parents had an opportunity to ask questions about what is going on with their kids. There was a wide range of questions such as, “What are appropriate interventions for teenagers who are making inappropriate comments at school?” “How much time should my child spend on the computer?” “How much sleep should my child be getting?” and “What about medications for my child in terms of certain behaviors?” Four families were interested in having me talk with their prescribing doctors. I am happy to do this. This can occur by first contacting your prescribing doctors and asking them if they want to discuss this with me. If they do, then contact our office and ask Abby to prepare a release for you to sign. I will then set up a telephone consultation with that doctor.

Additionally, families brought up concerns about what is the right time for their child to stop certain behaviors. Parents gave examples of what seemed to be much younger age behaviors that their children would engage in somewhat privately. We talked about homework assignments and the best way to have homework get done. I talked about my general rule which is that it either happens right after school, or, if that is too overwhelming for a child, that they take a break and try to get the majority of it done by dinner. We talked about what a contingency is, where a parent will make available something like a computer game or special time with the child following completion of a certain amount of homework.

Finally, one of the things that came up has to do with how much time their kids should be spending with video games and computers, and how to implement parent controls to prevent them spending too much time. I will be making video tutorials of how to invoke the parent controls on the latest version of the MAC (snow leopard) and the almost-latest version of Windows (Vista). So stay tuned for that.

As you can see, an awful lot happened tonight. And not only that, everybody paid the correct amount, and the bill came out exactly right. So, thank you very much to those of you who participated. It was a pleasure. And for those of you who weren’t able to come this time, I hope we will see you when we have our next parent dinner in two months. So mark your calendars now for April 6, 2010. I hope to see you then. Thanks!

Best wishes,

Bruce

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Tele-Meeting

Last week’s parent meeting and last night’s tele-meeting pretty much covered the same territory. I reviewed the website, including how parents can log on for LUNCH Points, view tutorials that provide an overview of the website (under video tutorials) and also view a new tutorial that details how the LUNCH Points program works. We had a total of five families at the tele-meeting, and the parent groups were nearly full for both the child and the teen groups.

Other topics discussed included how to support your child outside of group. I focused on a few techniques. 1. Social praise. You may think that what we do in the group is use raffles and do other cool things… No; what we do is we praise your kids. We praise them meaningfully; we praise them frequently. For example, when they come in with a certificate showing they have done something exceptional, the entire group rallies. And when that happens, that is a level of peer reinforcement that is very hard to mimic with a tangible item. As their parents, you can also deliver genuine, meaningful social praise. This doesn’t mean simply saying, “Good job.” It means that you specifically state what they did, and you say words like, “I’m really proud of you.” Who doesn’t want to seek parental approval? Now certainly there have been books written for eons that suggest that you can go overboard on this. But a certain amount of parental approval helps motivate and drive us and keep us on track. So, enjoy your power; use it; but use it for good, and increase your level of social praise.

2. The idea of prompting your child a second time to help him or her be successful, rather than raising your voice or suggesting a negative consequence will occur if he does not comply. Ultimately, skill building is going to produce more generalized independent behaviors, and we talked about this. 3. Behavioral momentum. You can think of behavioral momentum as a way to get your child started and keep him going. This technique works for children who are shy and resistive as well as those who are oppositional, or just for individuals who are unmotivated. You start off with a small, easy request, then gradually build from there; hence the momentum. You can read up on this, and I will attach links to a couple sites for you to peruse as well. 4. Giving your child a choice before making a request. So, asking your child if he is ready to clean his room, and having your child respond, “No,” in a loud voice might fall under what calls a “B or a C basket item.” If you’ve given you child a choice, and he says no, you can actually thank him, then just leave the room. Your child will probably be amazed and puzzled, wondering what has just happened and who replaced his parent with an alien. But, he will also get the message that you are not there to fight with him. Once he gets this message, you can continue to use choices. Now, certainly he may miss out on something enjoyable happening because he has chosen not to clean his room yet, and that becomes a natural consequence. But it doesn’t have to be delivered with a raised voice, or as a threat. It simply is what happens. And he is, of course, welcome to participate in “x,” when he has cleaned his room or completed “y.” So, a bit of detail on that.

5. On the parent LUNCH Points form, notice that you can do a “parent review.” The fact that your child gets points for it is certainly one part of it, but it is also meaningful feedback for you. Are you raising your voice? Are you threatening? Are you repeating commands? These are things that are counter-productive. And do remember that, whenever you try a strategy, figure that you have to do it one hundred times. So one hundred times of praising your child at three times per day means that, in approximately less than a month, you are going to be able to see considerable behavior change.

So these are some of the main strategies we talked about, and we will talk about more in a future meeting. I look forward to seeing everyone at the parent dinner coming up in early February, and of course your kids have laser tag coming up next week as well.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 5

Dear Parents:

Tonight we had a very full evening. All of the kids turned out. The first part of the group went very smoothly. We had reconfigured the office to better accommodate the parent group and also have the kids eating comfortably. What was interesting was that, immediately upon entering, they circled around the tables, and, within just a minute or two, were talking like “old friends.” As we transitioned into the larger room, we discussed the LUNCH Points program. (Some of the kids tried to negotiate being able to get credit, even though they hadn’t brought in their certificates or parts were missing.) The group members were able to remind one another that the rules include it being the group members’ responsibility to bring in their certificates; not the parents’ responsibility. Focusing on this in a consistent and low key manner over time has shown that the group members do become better at remembering to bring them in. One thing that I try to strive for is to have members remember to do things spontaneously, without being prompted. When we see this kind of behavior, generally that is what will produce the most lasting results.

We did one project, which involved having four different group members choose avatars and talk about what their implications were. This gave the group an opportunity to work on everything from being able to tell a story in an interesting and straightforward manner to having other group members practice being part of the audience without being disruptive. As with other types of behaviors, we made extensive use of positive practice strategies to help them be more successful.

Going to Gelson’s was fairly effortless. The group remained cohesive and required very little prompting to follow rules and remain respectful in the market. The group members were also helpful in picking up bags and carrying them back.

The parents came in at 6:00, a few minutes after the group members had begun to have their meal, and just before the raffles began. The parent meeting itself went very smoothly. Practically all the families (a total of twelve) attended. We reviewed the LUNCH Points program and the website in general. We then discussed different children’s behaviors and different kinds of strategies for helping kids with attentional deficits, kids who either lie or misrepresent information, as well as kids who are unmotivated. There will be a makeup tele-meeting this Thursday at 7:30 for families who could not make it.

There were some problems that occurred in the group, as reported by counselors afterward. Some of the alumni members were making comments that bordered on sexual innuendo during the raffle program. Also, one group member put gift cards belonging to the other group members in his pocket, and, when the group members said theirs were missing, he took them out. This was a confusing type of behavior because it was so obvious that the cards would be discovered. The group member stated that the cards were something that he had found and was planning to return. These kinds of illogical behaviors do happen among teens, and it is better that the lesson be learned in the group program than to have this occur out in the community. It just reminds me that, as much progress as some of the group members make, many of them remain vulnerable to experiencing urges and challenges that they are not able to think through very well or control. This is something that we will address at a future date.

Some of the group members had considerable difficulty managing their feelings when they did not win the second of the two raffles. (As a reminder, the blue ticket raffle is the one where everyone wins, and the hero ticket raffle is the one where half of the kids win. This is done to ensure that: (1) everyone does win a prize / acknowledgement for the tickets they have earned, but also: (2) there is an analog situation to some of the disappointments that are normally experienced in life, and to try to help them develop good sportsmanship related to them.

In all, it was a hectic but useful meeting, with twelve parents and fifteen group members all coming in within the space of 2 1/2 hours. However, in general, everyone seemed to have a good time.

Thank you so much, parents, for being so diligent and supportive and inquisitive, which helps move the process forward. See you for laser tag in two weeks.