School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 8

Hi, Parents:
If you were to read the blog from last night’s kids group and read the teen blog, you would probably think that we just copied one from the other. But, in fact, we didn’t. These are two entirely separate reports.

The fact is that the teens last night were pretty close to perfect, by and large. We have a few kids in the group who are stuck on what I will call “sexual innuendos.” I’ve tried some different ways to have them show greater self control and self awareness of the impact of their comments, but frankly have not been so successful. So, when one of the staff reported that this occurred early last night when some of the kids were playing the Wii, I called three of them into my office and had a brief meeting with them. I explained to them that I had been ineffective at having them control their behavior and was wondering if they had any suggestions for how I might become more effective. Two of the members of this small group (AG, CH) caught on to what I was saying, recognized their own behavior and promised that they would take a more active role in controlling themselves. However, the third member (CP) appeared to have more trouble with this concept and tried to justify his behavior. We agreed, however, that this was something where I needed to be more effective in helping them, so I will closely monitor over the next couple of sessions to see what occurs. I consider this to be a pragmatic social skill, because they are not showing a sufficient level of awareness of the impact that their behavior has upon others.

So, it was off to John O’Groats for dinner in our private dining room, and that went wonderfully smoothly. The kids ordered off kids’ meal menus, early bird specials and adult menus, and everyone seemed to enjoy what they received. It was AG’s birthday last night, and we followed our rule of providing a dessert that he would like for the evening. We learned that chocolate was his favorite, (What a surprise!) and ordered a four layer chocolate fudge cake which came from Solley’s deli in Sherman Oaks. Seventeen candles; one of course for good luck, were added. When he mentioned to me several times during group that it was his birthday, and I explained that I wished I had known about it before, I believe that helped produce the surprise that we wanted.

One of the reasons for doing this isn’t just to celebrate a birthday, but rather to give the kids an opportunity to practice being able to celebrate birthdays with another child and display appropriate behaviors during that time. It was one of the nicest birthday renditions I have heard, and we have it on video.
During dinner, the teens watched a video of the group, and appeared to enjoy seeing themselves in different settings during the group. There was lots of conversation, and the counselors spent very little time intervening. We did enforce our rule of saying, “please,” and, “thank you,” to the wait staff, and we also used our procedure of having the wait staff take back the items that they had put down if they did not receive a proper thank you. This had the desired result of giving them another opportunity to gracefully accept their food or beverage from the server. Otherwise, the evening was fairly uneventful. A couple of times, some of the kids came over and wanted to sit either near me or near one of the counselors, and we sent them back. This was not to be cold-hearted; but rather to really help them recognize that gravitating to adults is not necessarily a good escape for managing feelings of frustration that they might have when they are around their peers. Also, because peers can be noisy, I think overall helping them learn to increase their tolerance for noise or to say something to try to bring the noise level down is more effective than simply going over to adults. We also found that some of the participants engaged in what I felt were age-inappropriate reactions to certain common situations, such as asking to use the restroom. We use modeling and positive practice as a way of increasing and working on these skills.

Overall, a wonderful evening with the kids. Parents came right on time to pick them up, and that was very much appreciated. As a reminder, parents, there will be a parent meeting from 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. on Thursday, March 4. Please do not bring any siblings. This has been creating a serious problem and interfering with the group process. It is critical that, if you are planning to attend the parent meeting, there be no one else there other than an adult and your child, who is going to be attending group. I really hope that all parents respect this rule. Thanks very much. I look forward to seeing you soon.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Dinner

Hi Parents:

Tonight’s meeting was very enjoyable. We had a total of twelve parents out of the thirty-two families who were invited. So, not the best showing, but the parents who came were interested in having discussions, plus we were able to take advantage of the “early bird special.”

One of the things that was really nice was that the parents had an opportunity to talk with one another. Two parents who met at the meeting are probably going to arrange a play date for their children who are in the Kid Group program. Additionally, nearly all the parents had an opportunity to ask questions about what is going on with their kids. There was a wide range of questions such as, “What are appropriate interventions for teenagers who are making inappropriate comments at school?” “How much time should my child spend on the computer?” “How much sleep should my child be getting?” and “What about medications for my child in terms of certain behaviors?” Four families were interested in having me talk with their prescribing doctors. I am happy to do this. This can occur by first contacting your prescribing doctors and asking them if they want to discuss this with me. If they do, then contact our office and ask Abby to prepare a release for you to sign. I will then set up a telephone consultation with that doctor.

Additionally, families brought up concerns about what is the right time for their child to stop certain behaviors. Parents gave examples of what seemed to be much younger age behaviors that their children would engage in somewhat privately. We talked about homework assignments and the best way to have homework get done. I talked about my general rule which is that it either happens right after school, or, if that is too overwhelming for a child, that they take a break and try to get the majority of it done by dinner. We talked about what a contingency is, where a parent will make available something like a computer game or special time with the child following completion of a certain amount of homework.

Finally, one of the things that came up has to do with how much time their kids should be spending with video games and computers, and how to implement parent controls to prevent them spending too much time. I will be making video tutorials of how to invoke the parent controls on the latest version of the MAC (snow leopard) and the almost-latest version of Windows (Vista). So stay tuned for that.

As you can see, an awful lot happened tonight. And not only that, everybody paid the correct amount, and the bill came out exactly right. So, thank you very much to those of you who participated. It was a pleasure. And for those of you who weren’t able to come this time, I hope we will see you when we have our next parent dinner in two months. So mark your calendars now for April 6, 2010. I hope to see you then. Thanks!

Best wishes,

Bruce

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 7

Hi, Parents!

Tonight's report on the teen group. I feel like I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. I swear, your kids were great tonight, and I really mean it!

First of all, as promised from last week, we went out for frozen yogurt nearby, near Office Depot. I have to tell you, I took pictures of all of them, and they got the most creative infant-sized yogurts (and you'd be amazed how large an infant size can be with toppings), and every single one of the eleven yogurts that they got looked different from the others. These were like little cupcake creations that they had.

Anyway, they sat around, they had nice conversations, and then we transitioned over to our dinner. During dinner, it was water only because water had already acted as a dessert, and they didn't need to have juice or soda as a second dessert. They ordered a variety of items and shared appetizers, and just seemed to enjoy conversing with another. So, it was a relaxed, I would say somewhat longer time at dinner. As has been the case with the teenage group of late, the counselors do not sit with them. We sit nearby and watch and pay attention to what we are going to give them tickets for afterwards.

We then transitioned back to the office, and at that point, we did a LUNCH Points raffle. JP was the big winner, and he won a $15 Bananagrams game. There were only four kids out of the eleven who had even one certificate. So, as a reminder to parents, just one certificate gets them into the raffle and gets them time with the Wii. If you computer is broken, you can use the new "vacation form," {LINK HERE} and report the points that way. Giving the tickets to the kids and talking in a little circle for a moment turned out to be really helpful. We do talk about their behaviors, and we don't keep it a secret. A couple of the newer kids wondered about that and felt a little bit "singled out," but the group was supportive. So, some kids earned Hero tickets, if they were extra nice, or practicing social skills to a greater extent. Everyone earned at least a couple of blue tickets, and it was explained why.

One teen, who has been making references of late (CP) had toned it down quite a bit tonight, and we talked about that and tried to keep it lighthearted, rather than making it like a lecture. My guess is that he responded positively to that. One of the things that we are trying to do with the tickets is to use it as a social learning opportunity. It's really not about rewards for a raffle that they are going to get a month from now, or something like that, but more the opportunity to discuss these things and for them to show some group cohesion and camaraderie. That occurred in spades tonight, and it was really nice to see.

So, the group ended with some of the kids playing the Wii, and we talked about how the certificates for LUNCH Points are only valid from the end of one group to the beginning of the next group. At that point, they expire. So, in order to earn extra points, please be sure that they do bring the certificates with them. We also reminded the teens that it is their responsibility to remember, not their parents' responsibility.

So, that's it for tonight. A nice time. See you all in two weeks. And, as they know, they'll be going for dinner to a private dining room at John O'Groats, which we've already arranged. Take care, and have a good beginning of the month. -- Bruce