Adolescent Group Summer Session 2

Today is our second session and an alumni member joined and we also had one group member out today due to illness. The group is clearly starting to gel and the group members are being very cooperative in allowing us to target various behaviors that are associated with inattention, executive functioning, minor repetitive behaviors, and difficulty summarizing information. We started off the session by looking at a couple of animation samples using a program that I’ve used for years called Hollywood. The group played with it a little bit by telling one of the counselors, Stasi, to input various actions for the characters and they tried to create a story. However, the resulting story was fairly rambling and disjointed.

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I used this as an opportunity to talk about story development and how plots are created. The group appeared to show some interest in this. We used various examples, but what was most appealing was when I took a short animation, called Alien Blip (see below), and broke it up into various sequences and had them give me very short sentences explaining what occurred. After watching the movie, they generated a synopsis of what occurred.

We also introduced, in full force, two of our three raffle systems: blue tickets and hero tickets. TF earned the very first hero ticket when another group member had difficulty understanding him, asked him to repeat himself, and he did so calm and effortlessly, and more clearly. We talked momentarily how this might be a particular challenge for TF and indicated that that’s what people earn hero tickets for. Other individuals earned tickets for controlling behaviors, relaxing more, and in particular, one group member previously in the day had agreed to “give up” his fanny pack which he then decided to leave in our office. We also used this as an opportunity to talk about teasing and sarcasm and how there are different kinds of teasing (teasing that doesn’t hurt feelings and is playful, teasing that does hurt feelings, and teasing that is excessive). It was then time for lunch and they had previously decided that they wanted to go to Numero Uno, a local Italian restaurant.  Lunch was uneventful, except that they all appeared to engage in varying levels of conversation which was monitored (loosely, so as not to intrude) by counselors, with occasional raffle tickets awarded.

We returned from lunch and immediately began to work on an animation project. I guided the group through the process, by which we first come up with a topic idea, then evaluate whether or not we can get it done.  It's interesting... many of the teens have good basic language skills, but areas such as the subtleties of humor are difficult for them.  Also, this is a very subjective topic and what I think is funny is not likely to excite them.  Still, I like to use it as an exercise in working cooperatively as a team.  We began putting together story ideas and two members came up with the ones below:

A guy trying to order a pizza, but the pizza man can’t understand him and keeps getting it wrong. (JV)

Albert Einstein's great, great, great, great,  grandson meets Benjamin Franklin’s great, great, great, great, grandson.  They talk about how great their famous ancestors were and how they could become famous because of them. (KV)

Without judging the merits of one versus the other (the group liked both), we discussed, given that we had 30 minutes to complete the entire exercise (okay, really 45 minutes, but I didn't tell them that), which one should we select for now.... The group decided to go with the more simple plot line by JV.  We moved into the other room where the computer containing the Hollywood program was set up.

Below is what resulted from their collaborative efforts, albeit, with some guidance from me.



It was interesting to watch as some group members skipped over important "pieces" of conversation, but were reception to revisiting and including them as we developed the movie.  Also, matching facial expressions, controlling what one might say to a server that is reasonable, and distinguishing between "humor" and "silliness" were all part of this 45 minute exercise.

 On Tuesday, we are having our first community outing.  Drop off is still, and is always, at Gelsons during the summer group.  We'll head off shortly after our arrival.  After mini-golf, we'll walk to the Galleria for lunch (takes only about 8 minutes), then return for our 2:00pm pickup.

Adolescent Summer Group Session 1

Welcome!  Today we had a chance to review a few basics, the group met Sophie, a 17 month old Samoyed, and learned a little bit about web publishing.  We also discussed the different kinds of community outings and group members voted, holding up 1, 3, or 5 fingers to indicate how much they preferred a particular activity (1 lowest, 5 highest).  Why only three choices?  Five would have been overkill and, by requiring them to raise their hand each time, they practice participation, which for some appears somewhat challenging.  Laser Tag, as usual, was a top favorite, however mini golf increased in popularity when I reminded them this could include some time in the arcade.  Going to the zoo was voted down, so we won't be doing that with the adolescent group.

We reviewed how LUNCH Points works as well as the three different kinds of raffles that will be held.

Rules:  One of the things that we always do in group is figure out a few rules to get along with each other.  They came up with the following, so far:

1. Be positive and considerate with each other;
2. Have fun, but not by being mean to others;

Nicknames:  We chose nicknames, which is how the group members are referred to online

JV - "Sarge"
KV - "The One"
IL - "Buffalo"
TF - "Woof"
BS - "Jester"
WF - "?"

We reviewed that it is necessary to have a group nickname to earn LUNCH Points and participate in raffles, as well as to have projects posted.

On to lunch.... We have gone out for Chinese, Italian, Mexican, BBQ, Pizza, American-Style, Japanese, as well picnics.  They decided there might be more, but that covered it for now.

We ended up going to Chipotle and did a quick screen capture exercise to let them practice summarizing and providing short, quick bits of information  (see the video below):




In listening to the video, you may hear some questionable comments.  If you recognize your child's voice, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BRING THIS UP TO HIM!  We will address it is subsequent meeting, but if you bring it up, it may create a negative reaction.  Our goal is positive practice, decision making, and rehearsing, not critiquing their behavior.

After lunch we looked at some sample animations and a couple of new programs I have purchased to use in group.  Then, it was off for a rare dessert treat, this time, frozen yogurt.

Group ended right on time at 2:00pm and all of the parents picked up right on time.  Nice!  There was significantly more socializing going on by lunchtime.  Next meeting they will select behaviors to target and rewards they wish to earn, plus a couple of participants have websites they wanted to show the group.

School Year Teen 09-10 - Session 15

Dear Parents,

So it happened. Some of your kids “graduated” tonight and I won’t be seeing them again except perhaps in the maintenance program scheduled to begin in November. We had all but three of the kids and it was clearly an action packed evening. We started off where CP, CH, and CB, who had begun this “talk show” format with other group members, continued this and that occurred for about the first twenty minutes of group. Then we transitioned and took a walk over to Libbit Park where your kids played a form of touch football using a Frisbee.

They immediately took out horseshoes and attempted to play badminton. We stayed there for about half an hour and then took a walk over to CPK, which is where they had elected to have dinner. Everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood and a lot of kids were talking with other peers whom they had not necessarily interacted with much previously. You all received final updated parent rosters and you may want to ask your kids if there are other group members who they would like to get together with.

At CPK, they were incredibly well behaved. Some of the kids shared crab cake appetizers and fancy looking pizzas. Others simply just enjoyed meals by themselves, but everyone seemed to be patient and was having simply a good time. It was GS’s birthday and we decided to have two cakes. He likes strawberry so we had a strawberry shortcake for him complete with candles and then we had a second chocolate fudge cake. Of course nearly all of the kids wanted some of each so I was assigned cake cutting duties and sliced it up as quickly as I could for them, barely keeping up with the demand.

We did the parent pickup across the street at John O’Groats because we were looking for a safe, relaxed place so parents could talk for a few minutes if they wanted to and that worked out wonderfully.

As you can tell, it was a busy time and it was a little sad to see those of your kids who I won’t necessarily see again leaving. But it has also been wonderful having a chance to see how each of them have grown in different ways. Thanks so much for all of your participation and support. And perhaps I will see you sometime in the future. Our next group for the summer will begin in July and will run through early August, and then we will have a school year group for 2010-2011 that begins in October. Best wishes to all.

School Year Teen 09-10 - Session 14

Hi Parents,

Truly, we're in a winding down mode.  The kids know it too, although a couple of them were surprised to learn that we only have one more group meeting.... that's an executive functioning deficit.  They go on, living in the present, and forgot to anticipate or plan for upcoming events.  They don't even get onto their radar.  What to do?  Practice, create visual schedules, practice/rehearse some more.  What not to do?  Yell, threaten, punish.  Not only will they learn nothing, it can affect their self-esteem (yes... really!) and makes them feel intellectually inferior.  Ironically, the more gifted the child, the more inferior they tend to feel and hold on to it.

Tonight's activity was  a community out for miniature golf, followed by a quick walk to the Galleria for dinner.  Whenever we try something new, I always feel a bit apprehensive, wondering if everything will go smoothly.  I'm pleased to say that it went off without a hitch and I think the kids really enjoyed themselves.  There was one counselor with each group of kids.

We had 13 teens attending and they split up into three groups of foursomes and one group of five (they finished first, somehow). Everyone balanced having a good time, socializing, and playing.  I got plenty of exercise  traveling among the three groups taking pictures.

After they finished, we had tokens for them to play in the arcade for about 15 minutes before it was time to travel to the Galleria for dinner.  No one complained when it was time to stop and we collected outside.  I drove (so I could bring the counselors back and the three counselors went with the teens).  By the time I had parked and walked over the Fuddruckers, out meeting place, they were just coming up the walkway.  It couldn't have been timed any better.  What I especially liked was how cohesive they all looked.  Some slightly out of breath.... no one in an apparent foul mood or complaining.

As it turned out, there were two other food places near Fuddruckers, Quiznos, and a Japanese restaurant.  I let them choose among the three and we congregated outside at the tables.  Everything went smoothly and they just ate and socialized during this time.

I was worried about the pickup, even to the point of checking with an LAPD Traffic Control Officer after being informed by a parent that our planned pickup may not be safe.  He assured me that the turnout was designated for that purpose, just not to park and leave the car.  Because it is painted red, not "white," I can see where this is confusing (wrote down his badge number just in case).  As worked out, the pickup went very smoothly and nearly all of the parents picked up their kids on time.

So, one more meeting left.  You will be receiving two emails from Stacy.  The first is to help us determine whether you are interested in the Summer Program.  The second is our "end of year" parent feedback.  We are doing it one session ahead, primarily for families who need to have reports completed for summer.

One parent dinner coming up, Tuesday, June 1st and our final meeting is on Thursday June 3rd.  We'll be going to the park and then to CPK for our final dinner.  How time flies!

School Year Teen 09-10 - Session 13

Parents,

Tonight was a very smooth night for the teens. A little bit sad in that we talked about there being two sessions left, but we planned out the next two sessions out as a group and I think they’re going to have a nice time. Next meeting, we’re going to be having miniature golf, arcade and then walk for about fifteen minutes and go to the Galleria for dinner so you’ll be dropping them off at one place and you’ll be picking them up at another place. Stay tuned because we’ll send you a flyer on that next week. Then for our final meeting they decided and it was EF who suggested it that we go to the park. She said that hadn’t happened and she really wanted to do that. The group agreed with her and so we’ll going to go to the park and then go to California Pizza Kitchen and we will meet back at Gelson’s as per usual to say goodbye to everyone. So there we have it, what’s going to happen later this month and in early June. Don’t forget that there will be a parent dinner on June 1, Tuesday. Please call in and make your reservations for this.
So tonight, it was really about socializing and tolerance. We did a barbecue and so they shopped for their barbecue. Rather than doing steaks, hotdogs and other things, we just got hot dogs for everyone and that worked more smoothly. They socialized, they appeared to enjoy socializing, and we had three kinds of raffles. There was the blue ticket raffle, there was the hero ticket raffle where eight kids had a chance to win, and there was the LUNCH points raffle and two prizes were handed out for that. There was a parent’s meeting as well and what was impressive was how quietly and respectively the kids came in when they either needed water or to use the restroom.

The parent meeting in itself was nice in that there weren’t a lot of questions about generalization, but there were questions more about “What do I do with my child when they’re no longer coming to this group?” and this is very relevant and sometimes hard to answer, but parents talked about community services through organizations like J Nolan and about some of the things that their kids are doing where they’re getting out into the community more. One father (KV’s) talked about how his son is calling other kids and that was impressive. All in all, they were well-behaved, they helped set up chairs, they helped clean up, and it was a well rounded evening. One final thing we talked about was what to do with kids who are more isolated and this is hard because it seems to be a blend of how much they feel attachment to others and how much anxiety they experience and how competent they feel in having conversations. This is something that requires continued focus on the part of parents and my take is to have your kids immerse in different social situations so it gradually can become more comfortable. But that’s about it for tonight parents. I will look forward to seeing your kids in two weeks as we continue the winding down process. Thanks.

School Year Teen 09-10 - Session 12

Hi, Parents:


Well, we are getting down to the wire, and I can feel it. . Tonight, we did an activity that made me realize how far some of your kids have come. It showed up in how they thought and what they had to say.

We began the group with 15 teens, and Sophie came tonight. She was a hit, as usual. And, in fact, I showed them a 3 minutes video that I had made with her starring." They are encouraging me to put on YouTube. We will see...

Anyway, they were engaged in their typical magazine reading at first, which gave way to conversations and more conversations. Really, that was the theme of the entire evening. Five of them had LUNCH Points and participated in a somewhat unusual LUNCH Points raffle. I started off by picking a number and then having them add the first two letters of their first name together to form a number. So, if somebody’s name was “Abe,” the A and the B would form the number 3. One student won that way. Then, for the second raffle, I had them listen to one of my favorite musicians and guess the person’s first name. Whoever came closest also won.  Doing things in this manner forces them to attend and maintain cognitive flexibility.  Since most, but not all win, it gives them yet another chance to handle disappointment without losing control or making it too much of a "big deal."

After the raffle, we headed out for Uncle Chen’s for Chinese food. Many of your kids tried new items. Some wanted Hero Tickets, and some got Hero Tickets. It was particularly impressive to watch EF try chicken with lemon on it. Her conclusion was that it was the lemon part that was unhealthy, but the fried chicken part was okay.

Other group members showed thoughtfulness and consideration as they passed things to one another. We did our usual working on manners, as well as just general social behavior, and not letting the volume get too loud during mealtime. Having said that, it really never got too loud; they were just enjoying themselves. None of them were raucous, but rather they were just teenagers having a good time. A group of women (it always seems to be a group of women.) were seated outside of our room.  They asked what the special event was, and looked a little puzzled when I said it was just a group of teenagers getting together for dinner.

The kids ate and ate, but they didn’t stuff themselves. They had wor won ton soup, spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, beef with noodles, chicken with noodles, tangerine chicken, egg rolls, and, of course, fortune cookies. Believe it or not, despite the number of dishes on the table, there wasn’t much left when they finished.

During this time I asked your kids what they liked or didn't like about the group.  The majority of teens who had have been attending group for a longer period of time expressed themselves in a thoughtful manner and seemed more mature in how they responded.

We finished up and headed back with a couple of kids picking up their backpacks on the way. We also voted on what we wanted to do for our final outing, which will occur the third week in May. After choosing between the mall, which a few wanted, a picnic, (Only CP wanted that one, but he really wanted it.), laser tag, and miniature golf plus arcade, it came down to between laser tag and miniature golf/arcade. We did a runoff vote, and, by a verdict of three to two, they decided on going to miniature golf/arcade. So, we have a new activity to plan which will be at Castle Park.

So, that’s about it for now. We are in a winding down process. And thanks so much for having such great kids. See you next time.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 11

Hi, Parents:


Tonight went quite smoothly. First of all, we had a new group member, (IL) and I am pleased to say that he fit into group quite easily. No matter when I looked, other members were engaging with him, and vice versa. In fact, the majority of the group members were engaged with one another tonight, and that was simply just very nice to see.

The evening began by me talking to them and laying out what we were going to do tonight, which involved an outdoor activity, involving games of either Bananagrams or Guess Who. In addition to that, many of the teens who had previously done the video had an opportunity to improve their performance, and about five of them took me up on that offer. I am pleased to say that all five of them were able to look at little bits of what they did before and improve their performance.

I previously told you that I don’t show the group members elements of their negative behaviors, and I want to make a distinction. I wasn’t showing them negative behaviors, but rather a specific behavior that I wanted them to improve, and I tried to only show them enough of it so they could just see what the specific behavior was. For example, one student, CE, did a wonderful job but didn’t end his sentences by lowering his voice. This made it appear as though he was stopping in mid-sentence, even though he wasn’t. He had an opportunity to work on that, and it was hard for him to follow the structured format that we set up. However, he persevered and did so, and then seemed quite proud of his performance. Similarly, the other participants who did re-takes or did it for the first time also really took it seriously, and it was nice to see their outcomes. This included CP, GS and IL.

After we concluded this and the games tournament, we all went to Baja Fresh for dinner, where they naturally congregated in groups of threes and fours. Ordering went smoothly, and no problems occurred during group. At the end, we had a surprise LUNCH Points raffle, and there were a total of six participants. We allowed IL to earn one LUNCH Points certificate because it was his first group, as a way of not excluding him, since he had not had a prior opportunity. The group ended with dessert, where we had promised them last time, at the end of Japanese food, that they would have mochi, and they had green tea, strawberry and chocolate.

So, all in all, it was a pretty action-packed group. See you in two weeks.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Dinner

Hi, Parents:


Tonight was the parent dinner for both groups, and it was reasonably well-attended. We had four parents from the kids’ group and five parents from the teenage group. During the evening, I showed videos of both the kids’ group and the teenage group as to what has been happening throughout the year, and also shared a project that I have been working on with the kids that involves “the best thing that happened to me in the past year was …” We talked about language and how we work in the group with kids on the effectiveness of their verbal communications, and being able to use language as a socialization mechanism.

Additionally, we talked about the role of executive functioning. Parents heard how many of their kids kind of got the instructions wrong, and sometimes had difficulty making their point clearly and succinctly. I reviewed how I work with the kids to have their conversations with a proper amount of detail, rather than excessive degrees that act like a prepositional phrase that goes on and on. Parents remained interested. Their were quite a few questions in general about overall diagnoses, and we talked about those in terms of the functional behaviors that they represent.

Parents asked about the summer group program, and we will be doing our end-of-group surveys in April, with a follow up to occur in June. Overall, as the parent meetings go, it went smoothly. Perhaps the only exception was that, in the buzz of conversation, we sort of forgot to order dinner, and the server didn’t take our orders until 6:45 p.m. The meeting broke up a little bit after 7:30, and parents could still be seen engaged in conversation fifteen minutes later in the parking lot.

We have group later this month, and then our last parent meeting, in the office, come this May.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 10

Hi, Parents:


The teen group tonight went smoothly. They started off by talking about where we would be going for dinner. When I mentioned that it was “Japanese Food,” everyone was pretty excited, except one of the group members, (EF), was very disappointed. Fortunately, she was able to problem solve and recover, and, after a period of time, was not only was participating in the group, but was able to successfully order things at dinner. For everybody else, I would say that they had some pretty creative menu ordering skills, when it comes to Japanese food. They were as, or more, adventurous than many adults.

Overall, our pattern of, when we do go to dinner, letting the kids pretty much be by themselves with me just kind of wandering around occasionally or sending a counselor to deal with a specific issue is how we’ve been handling things. But I would say that probably tonight, 80% of the time we monitored them, but left them on their own.

Prior to dinner, what we did was continue the exercise that the parents who came to the meeting last time saw of different students saying what their most enjoyable thing was over the last year. Most of them chose to participate, and, in fact, eleven total participated in making an on-camera fifteen second speech. What I had the group doing tonight was recording the applause and congratulations, but doing it so it’s like a post-editing project. They will have a chance to see how this looks in a subsequent meeting and then finalize it.

Other than that, some of the group members who weren’t able to come last time picked up their raffle prizes. And, overall, it was a smooth, enjoyable meeting, with lots of them earning tickets for good conversations. The average number of tickets earned tonight ranged between a high of four blue tickets for one individual, three hero tickets for the child who was able to calm down, and a smattering of tickets here and there. But, everyone earned at least some tickets.

So, having said that, overall it was a nice, enjoyable time, and I am looking forward to seeing your kids for the next group meeting.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 9

Hi, Parents:


Tonight went smoothly, and your kids really seemed to enjoy themselves. We started off by talking a little bit about what the evening would entail, and several of them responded with areas and questions that they were interested in having me bring up during the parent meeting. We also talked in general about what was happening in group, and the tone, interestingly, was different than in the kid group, as might be expected. Very few of the teens were actually looking at magazines; they were joking with one another; they were conversing; it was a really nice introduction to the group tonight. One of the teens (EF) was unhappy that we were going to be doing any kind of technology project, but when we reviewed when we had last done one, she acknowledged that it had been a while. The technology project, which occurred when they transitioned into the larger room, consisted of having them talk about something really great that had happened to them during the past year. We did a few retakes to help them with this, and I really thought of this as a blend of an executive function and pragmatic communication type of exercise.

Your kids had no problem talking to the camera, but some of them had difficulty initiating; some had difficulty staying focused during the suggested fifteen minute timeline, and some of them had trouble concluding and ending. These are all worth working on, and I will be writing these down to try and make their representations look as natural and effective as possible.

Shortly after we transitioned to Gelson’s, where they chose different things they wanted to eat, and had the meal outside family style, the parent meeting started at 6:00. Congratulations to MS’s parent, who was the only one there waiting. However, by 6:20, we actually had a very good turnout. Parents then asked many useful questions, and we talked about some of the different kinds of behaviors involving compulsions, effective socializing, the effects of a positive school environment on their children’s behaviors, and simply how they stay connected to peers.

Parents watched the movie that the kids had produced earlier in the evening, and we talked about the significance of it.

The evening ended with a raffle for your kids, and all of them had an opportunity to win something. With very few exceptions, counselors reported that this went smoothly.

All in all, a good evening. We will be looking forward to the parent dinner the second week in April, followed by the parent meeting in two months, then another parent dinner in June. There also will be two more community outings: one will likely be an extended trip to the nearby park, and one will be at a location yet to be determined, but likely something bowling or miniature golf.

Thanks very much, and email me if you have any questions.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 8

Hi, Parents:
If you were to read the blog from last night’s kids group and read the teen blog, you would probably think that we just copied one from the other. But, in fact, we didn’t. These are two entirely separate reports.

The fact is that the teens last night were pretty close to perfect, by and large. We have a few kids in the group who are stuck on what I will call “sexual innuendos.” I’ve tried some different ways to have them show greater self control and self awareness of the impact of their comments, but frankly have not been so successful. So, when one of the staff reported that this occurred early last night when some of the kids were playing the Wii, I called three of them into my office and had a brief meeting with them. I explained to them that I had been ineffective at having them control their behavior and was wondering if they had any suggestions for how I might become more effective. Two of the members of this small group (AG, CH) caught on to what I was saying, recognized their own behavior and promised that they would take a more active role in controlling themselves. However, the third member (CP) appeared to have more trouble with this concept and tried to justify his behavior. We agreed, however, that this was something where I needed to be more effective in helping them, so I will closely monitor over the next couple of sessions to see what occurs. I consider this to be a pragmatic social skill, because they are not showing a sufficient level of awareness of the impact that their behavior has upon others.

So, it was off to John O’Groats for dinner in our private dining room, and that went wonderfully smoothly. The kids ordered off kids’ meal menus, early bird specials and adult menus, and everyone seemed to enjoy what they received. It was AG’s birthday last night, and we followed our rule of providing a dessert that he would like for the evening. We learned that chocolate was his favorite, (What a surprise!) and ordered a four layer chocolate fudge cake which came from Solley’s deli in Sherman Oaks. Seventeen candles; one of course for good luck, were added. When he mentioned to me several times during group that it was his birthday, and I explained that I wished I had known about it before, I believe that helped produce the surprise that we wanted.

One of the reasons for doing this isn’t just to celebrate a birthday, but rather to give the kids an opportunity to practice being able to celebrate birthdays with another child and display appropriate behaviors during that time. It was one of the nicest birthday renditions I have heard, and we have it on video.
During dinner, the teens watched a video of the group, and appeared to enjoy seeing themselves in different settings during the group. There was lots of conversation, and the counselors spent very little time intervening. We did enforce our rule of saying, “please,” and, “thank you,” to the wait staff, and we also used our procedure of having the wait staff take back the items that they had put down if they did not receive a proper thank you. This had the desired result of giving them another opportunity to gracefully accept their food or beverage from the server. Otherwise, the evening was fairly uneventful. A couple of times, some of the kids came over and wanted to sit either near me or near one of the counselors, and we sent them back. This was not to be cold-hearted; but rather to really help them recognize that gravitating to adults is not necessarily a good escape for managing feelings of frustration that they might have when they are around their peers. Also, because peers can be noisy, I think overall helping them learn to increase their tolerance for noise or to say something to try to bring the noise level down is more effective than simply going over to adults. We also found that some of the participants engaged in what I felt were age-inappropriate reactions to certain common situations, such as asking to use the restroom. We use modeling and positive practice as a way of increasing and working on these skills.

Overall, a wonderful evening with the kids. Parents came right on time to pick them up, and that was very much appreciated. As a reminder, parents, there will be a parent meeting from 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. on Thursday, March 4. Please do not bring any siblings. This has been creating a serious problem and interfering with the group process. It is critical that, if you are planning to attend the parent meeting, there be no one else there other than an adult and your child, who is going to be attending group. I really hope that all parents respect this rule. Thanks very much. I look forward to seeing you soon.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Dinner

Hi Parents:

Tonight’s meeting was very enjoyable. We had a total of twelve parents out of the thirty-two families who were invited. So, not the best showing, but the parents who came were interested in having discussions, plus we were able to take advantage of the “early bird special.”

One of the things that was really nice was that the parents had an opportunity to talk with one another. Two parents who met at the meeting are probably going to arrange a play date for their children who are in the Kid Group program. Additionally, nearly all the parents had an opportunity to ask questions about what is going on with their kids. There was a wide range of questions such as, “What are appropriate interventions for teenagers who are making inappropriate comments at school?” “How much time should my child spend on the computer?” “How much sleep should my child be getting?” and “What about medications for my child in terms of certain behaviors?” Four families were interested in having me talk with their prescribing doctors. I am happy to do this. This can occur by first contacting your prescribing doctors and asking them if they want to discuss this with me. If they do, then contact our office and ask Abby to prepare a release for you to sign. I will then set up a telephone consultation with that doctor.

Additionally, families brought up concerns about what is the right time for their child to stop certain behaviors. Parents gave examples of what seemed to be much younger age behaviors that their children would engage in somewhat privately. We talked about homework assignments and the best way to have homework get done. I talked about my general rule which is that it either happens right after school, or, if that is too overwhelming for a child, that they take a break and try to get the majority of it done by dinner. We talked about what a contingency is, where a parent will make available something like a computer game or special time with the child following completion of a certain amount of homework.

Finally, one of the things that came up has to do with how much time their kids should be spending with video games and computers, and how to implement parent controls to prevent them spending too much time. I will be making video tutorials of how to invoke the parent controls on the latest version of the MAC (snow leopard) and the almost-latest version of Windows (Vista). So stay tuned for that.

As you can see, an awful lot happened tonight. And not only that, everybody paid the correct amount, and the bill came out exactly right. So, thank you very much to those of you who participated. It was a pleasure. And for those of you who weren’t able to come this time, I hope we will see you when we have our next parent dinner in two months. So mark your calendars now for April 6, 2010. I hope to see you then. Thanks!

Best wishes,

Bruce

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 7

Hi, Parents!

Tonight's report on the teen group. I feel like I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. I swear, your kids were great tonight, and I really mean it!

First of all, as promised from last week, we went out for frozen yogurt nearby, near Office Depot. I have to tell you, I took pictures of all of them, and they got the most creative infant-sized yogurts (and you'd be amazed how large an infant size can be with toppings), and every single one of the eleven yogurts that they got looked different from the others. These were like little cupcake creations that they had.

Anyway, they sat around, they had nice conversations, and then we transitioned over to our dinner. During dinner, it was water only because water had already acted as a dessert, and they didn't need to have juice or soda as a second dessert. They ordered a variety of items and shared appetizers, and just seemed to enjoy conversing with another. So, it was a relaxed, I would say somewhat longer time at dinner. As has been the case with the teenage group of late, the counselors do not sit with them. We sit nearby and watch and pay attention to what we are going to give them tickets for afterwards.

We then transitioned back to the office, and at that point, we did a LUNCH Points raffle. JP was the big winner, and he won a $15 Bananagrams game. There were only four kids out of the eleven who had even one certificate. So, as a reminder to parents, just one certificate gets them into the raffle and gets them time with the Wii. If you computer is broken, you can use the new "vacation form," {LINK HERE} and report the points that way. Giving the tickets to the kids and talking in a little circle for a moment turned out to be really helpful. We do talk about their behaviors, and we don't keep it a secret. A couple of the newer kids wondered about that and felt a little bit "singled out," but the group was supportive. So, some kids earned Hero tickets, if they were extra nice, or practicing social skills to a greater extent. Everyone earned at least a couple of blue tickets, and it was explained why.

One teen, who has been making references of late (CP) had toned it down quite a bit tonight, and we talked about that and tried to keep it lighthearted, rather than making it like a lecture. My guess is that he responded positively to that. One of the things that we are trying to do with the tickets is to use it as a social learning opportunity. It's really not about rewards for a raffle that they are going to get a month from now, or something like that, but more the opportunity to discuss these things and for them to show some group cohesion and camaraderie. That occurred in spades tonight, and it was really nice to see.

So, the group ended with some of the kids playing the Wii, and we talked about how the certificates for LUNCH Points are only valid from the end of one group to the beginning of the next group. At that point, they expire. So, in order to earn extra points, please be sure that they do bring the certificates with them. We also reminded the teens that it is their responsibility to remember, not their parents' responsibility.

So, that's it for tonight. A nice time. See you all in two weeks. And, as they know, they'll be going for dinner to a private dining room at John O'Groats, which we've already arranged. Take care, and have a good beginning of the month. -- Bruce

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 6

Hi, Parents!

As you know, we were rained out last week for the teen group. It was great that so many of you could come to this one. Your kids appeared to look forward to enjoy this particular community activity. They were excited to be at laser tag. Only a couple of them were a little bit affected by the noises and sounds and darkness, but they were able to recover. One child, CM, at first wanted to read a magazine and sit out after participating one time. However, she was persuaded to just walk around. Once she began walking around, she said she was glad she had done so, but it did take a considerable amount of persuasion to get her not to sit out the second time. Otherwise, the kids were good-natured. They were as well-behaved, I think, as any other group that you would see at laser tag.

Dinner went similarly smoothly. We walked down the street to Hamburger Hamlet. The kids appeared to enjoy themselves, although they were a little bit disappointed that they couldn't order the $23 rib special. I explained to them that they could do that another time at Tony Roma's or when we barbeque.

In all, it was a nice time, and no particular problems were noted. It went smoothly, and so thank you. I look forward to seeing you and your kids next time for our regular group meeting. We are now back on the first and third week of the month as usual. Take care. -- Bruce

School Year Teens 09-10 - Parent Tele-Meeting

Last week’s parent meeting and last night’s tele-meeting pretty much covered the same territory. I reviewed the website, including how parents can log on for LUNCH Points, view tutorials that provide an overview of the website (under video tutorials) and also view a new tutorial that details how the LUNCH Points program works. We had a total of five families at the tele-meeting, and the parent groups were nearly full for both the child and the teen groups.

Other topics discussed included how to support your child outside of group. I focused on a few techniques. 1. Social praise. You may think that what we do in the group is use raffles and do other cool things… No; what we do is we praise your kids. We praise them meaningfully; we praise them frequently. For example, when they come in with a certificate showing they have done something exceptional, the entire group rallies. And when that happens, that is a level of peer reinforcement that is very hard to mimic with a tangible item. As their parents, you can also deliver genuine, meaningful social praise. This doesn’t mean simply saying, “Good job.” It means that you specifically state what they did, and you say words like, “I’m really proud of you.” Who doesn’t want to seek parental approval? Now certainly there have been books written for eons that suggest that you can go overboard on this. But a certain amount of parental approval helps motivate and drive us and keep us on track. So, enjoy your power; use it; but use it for good, and increase your level of social praise.

2. The idea of prompting your child a second time to help him or her be successful, rather than raising your voice or suggesting a negative consequence will occur if he does not comply. Ultimately, skill building is going to produce more generalized independent behaviors, and we talked about this. 3. Behavioral momentum. You can think of behavioral momentum as a way to get your child started and keep him going. This technique works for children who are shy and resistive as well as those who are oppositional, or just for individuals who are unmotivated. You start off with a small, easy request, then gradually build from there; hence the momentum. You can read up on this, and I will attach links to a couple sites for you to peruse as well. 4. Giving your child a choice before making a request. So, asking your child if he is ready to clean his room, and having your child respond, “No,” in a loud voice might fall under what calls a “B or a C basket item.” If you’ve given you child a choice, and he says no, you can actually thank him, then just leave the room. Your child will probably be amazed and puzzled, wondering what has just happened and who replaced his parent with an alien. But, he will also get the message that you are not there to fight with him. Once he gets this message, you can continue to use choices. Now, certainly he may miss out on something enjoyable happening because he has chosen not to clean his room yet, and that becomes a natural consequence. But it doesn’t have to be delivered with a raised voice, or as a threat. It simply is what happens. And he is, of course, welcome to participate in “x,” when he has cleaned his room or completed “y.” So, a bit of detail on that.

5. On the parent LUNCH Points form, notice that you can do a “parent review.” The fact that your child gets points for it is certainly one part of it, but it is also meaningful feedback for you. Are you raising your voice? Are you threatening? Are you repeating commands? These are things that are counter-productive. And do remember that, whenever you try a strategy, figure that you have to do it one hundred times. So one hundred times of praising your child at three times per day means that, in approximately less than a month, you are going to be able to see considerable behavior change.

So these are some of the main strategies we talked about, and we will talk about more in a future meeting. I look forward to seeing everyone at the parent dinner coming up in early February, and of course your kids have laser tag coming up next week as well.

School Year Teens 09-10 - Session 5

Dear Parents:

Tonight we had a very full evening. All of the kids turned out. The first part of the group went very smoothly. We had reconfigured the office to better accommodate the parent group and also have the kids eating comfortably. What was interesting was that, immediately upon entering, they circled around the tables, and, within just a minute or two, were talking like “old friends.” As we transitioned into the larger room, we discussed the LUNCH Points program. (Some of the kids tried to negotiate being able to get credit, even though they hadn’t brought in their certificates or parts were missing.) The group members were able to remind one another that the rules include it being the group members’ responsibility to bring in their certificates; not the parents’ responsibility. Focusing on this in a consistent and low key manner over time has shown that the group members do become better at remembering to bring them in. One thing that I try to strive for is to have members remember to do things spontaneously, without being prompted. When we see this kind of behavior, generally that is what will produce the most lasting results.

We did one project, which involved having four different group members choose avatars and talk about what their implications were. This gave the group an opportunity to work on everything from being able to tell a story in an interesting and straightforward manner to having other group members practice being part of the audience without being disruptive. As with other types of behaviors, we made extensive use of positive practice strategies to help them be more successful.

Going to Gelson’s was fairly effortless. The group remained cohesive and required very little prompting to follow rules and remain respectful in the market. The group members were also helpful in picking up bags and carrying them back.

The parents came in at 6:00, a few minutes after the group members had begun to have their meal, and just before the raffles began. The parent meeting itself went very smoothly. Practically all the families (a total of twelve) attended. We reviewed the LUNCH Points program and the website in general. We then discussed different children’s behaviors and different kinds of strategies for helping kids with attentional deficits, kids who either lie or misrepresent information, as well as kids who are unmotivated. There will be a makeup tele-meeting this Thursday at 7:30 for families who could not make it.

There were some problems that occurred in the group, as reported by counselors afterward. Some of the alumni members were making comments that bordered on sexual innuendo during the raffle program. Also, one group member put gift cards belonging to the other group members in his pocket, and, when the group members said theirs were missing, he took them out. This was a confusing type of behavior because it was so obvious that the cards would be discovered. The group member stated that the cards were something that he had found and was planning to return. These kinds of illogical behaviors do happen among teens, and it is better that the lesson be learned in the group program than to have this occur out in the community. It just reminds me that, as much progress as some of the group members make, many of them remain vulnerable to experiencing urges and challenges that they are not able to think through very well or control. This is something that we will address at a future date.

Some of the group members had considerable difficulty managing their feelings when they did not win the second of the two raffles. (As a reminder, the blue ticket raffle is the one where everyone wins, and the hero ticket raffle is the one where half of the kids win. This is done to ensure that: (1) everyone does win a prize / acknowledgement for the tickets they have earned, but also: (2) there is an analog situation to some of the disappointments that are normally experienced in life, and to try to help them develop good sportsmanship related to them.

In all, it was a hectic but useful meeting, with twelve parents and fifteen group members all coming in within the space of 2 1/2 hours. However, in general, everyone seemed to have a good time.

Thank you so much, parents, for being so diligent and supportive and inquisitive, which helps move the process forward. See you for laser tag in two weeks.